


Cradle

by Caera1996



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Family, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-01
Updated: 2012-03-01
Packaged: 2017-10-31 23:19:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/349440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caera1996/pseuds/Caera1996
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bones entertains the idea of adopting a child. Jim is a little freaked out by the thought. Eventually, it all works out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Something was bothering Jim. He was acting…well, Leonard didn't really know how to describe it. Pensive, maybe? On edge?

Whatever it was, he knew exactly when it had started. It started when Leonard commented on the need for adoptive parents, and the fact that were it not for the starship, he thought they would make great parents.

And that came up because while they were on a six-month leave between the end of their first five year mission and the beginning of their next assignment, the Enterprise was having maintenance done, and the crew was grounded. Grounded, but not idle. Jim was teaching at the Academy and Leonard was picking up shifts at the hospital, and doing a bit of teaching himself. And a couple of days ago, he'd treated a beautiful little boy who was waiting to be adopted. Who was sick and frightened and in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people, and whose caseworker who just didn't have the time to sit at his bedside. But Leonard made the time, soothing the child to sleep and idly thinking about how wonderful it would be, if he and Jim ever settled somewhere with the sky above and not around them, to raise a child together.

Jim, he knew, would make a fantastic father.

Over dinner that night, he'd mentioned the child and his feeling that when they were done making a difference in the universe, maybe it would be nice to make a difference in the life of a child. And Jim had given him a slightly stiff, blank smile, one that didn't reach his eyes, and the conversation had ended with that one comment. And since then, Jim had seemed pensive…on edge.

Over breakfast a few days later, during a day they both had off, Leonard was aware that Jim was staring at him with a contemplative expression on his face. Since eating cereal was certainly not all that interesting, he knew that Jim had something he was fixing to say. So, Leonard waited, keeping his eyes on the PADD he was holding, reading while he ate.

After a couple of minutes, Jim shifted and let his fork clink against his plate. Leonard glanced up, meeting Jim's eyes and watched as Jim opened his mouth to say something – then look away without breaking his silence. Leonard put the PADD down and leaned forward.

"Jim," he said. He waited until the blue eyes were back on him again. "Tell me." Jim sighed and fidgeted with his glass of orange juice, rolling it between his palms. This behavior – this slightly nervous and avoidant behavior – wasn't new to Leonard. Jim hadn't had an easy life, and it had left him reticent when it came to expressing his feelings, cautious when it came to opening up to someone, wary when it came to trust. All things they'd worked on over the last eight years, first as friends, then as something more, and now as something permanent. Leonard loved and needed Jim, and he knew Jim felt the same, even if sometimes he couldn't verbally express it. He was always quick to show Leonard how much he loved him. And Leonard knew that Jim needed him just as much. But this hesitance…this wasn't new, and it wasn't offensive, and Leonard simply did what he always did.

"Jim – I love you." That got a quick, heartfelt smile out of him.

"I love you too, Bones," he replied. Leonard reached over the table and gently took the glass from him and laced their fingers together.

"So tell me what's on your mind. It's important to you; I want to know." Jim held his gaze for a moment, but looked away again. His fingers tightened on Leonard's.

"H-how important is it to you to have a kid? To…to adopt a kid?" Jim asked, voice soft and hesitant and so, so different from the captain Leonard knew. But Leonard knew this side of Jim, too…and he took a moment to seriously consider not only what Jim was asking, but why he was asking.

"Not nearly as important as you are to me, Jim," Leonard replied. "I like the idea of being a father to a child who needs a family. But I love you, Jim…I'm not interested in doing something like that if you're not interested in it." Jim seemed to relax a bit at that, and Leonard stood gently tugging until Jim stood as well. "Let's sit."

"Bones…I have-"

"The day off, and enough time to have this conversation with me. C'mon." Sighing dramatically, Jim followed Leonard to the couch, dropping down on it. He knew what Bones wanted…to talk about why he felt the way he felt. And that was something that Jim still struggled with. Not because he had things he didn't want Bones to know…Bones knew everything. But because it was still so hard…thirty-two years old, and he was still dealing with issues from his screwed up childhood. If it wasn't so pathetic, it would be funny.

"Okay," Leonard said when they were settled together comfortably. "Tell me why this is bothering you so much. You haven't been yourself for a couple of days."

Jim sighed again, and let himself relax against Bones. So many of their conversations happened like this, with them sitting together, Jim's back to Bones' chest, his arms around Jim's waist. Jim wasn't a shy person, by any stretch of the imagination, but when it came to talking about things he'd been through as a kid, stuff in his past, it was just easier to make the words come like this.

They sat quietly for a couple of minutes, Jim trying to gather his thoughts while Leonard waited patiently.

"It's just…I never had a dad, you know?"

"Yeah," Leonard replied. As far as he was concerned that was one hell of an understatement.

"And…well…you know what it was like for me and Sam with F-Frank." Jim hated himself for tripping over his name. Still. After all these years. His hands clenched and Leonard responded by holding him a little tighter. "He and mom were always fighting about us…when she was around. And he…he hated us because he felt trapped with us when she took off again because she couldn't take it anymore. And we were stuck…we were just…all stuck." And now, Leonard understood. And his heart ached for Jim and the lingering doubt he had about himself because of what his life was like. How he grew up.

"Jim, you're not-"

"I don't think I'd make a good father," Jim blurted. "I don't know how to be. And…and I'm afraid I'd end up screwing up. And kids stress relationships. We already fight…what if having a kid made us fight more…enough to end up like my mom and Frank? I – I can't lose you, Bones. And nothing, nothing is worth that."

Taken aback by Jim's distress, it took Leonard a while to process everything that had come tumbling out. This had obviously been building up for a while, and Leonard had no idea his comment a few days ago would have such an impact on Jim. Leonard felt the tension in Jim's body, and his hands moved soothingly over him, slipping under his t-shirt to gently stroke his skin, trying to get him to relax while he thought about how to respond – where to start.

"Jim," he said after a moment. "First of all – you are not Frank, and you're not your mother. You have never once – not once – backed away from a difficult situation…even when you should have. Second, I am not Frank, or your mother, and anything we decided to do together, we'd do together. All the way." He reached up to gently card his hands through Jim's hair, massaging the tense muscles at the base of his neck. "And most importantly, Jim, you are a good, loving, caring, kind person. You would make an excellent father." Jim sighed and turned in Leonard's arms, curling up against him in the tight quarters as best he could considering they were the same height.

"But," Leonard continued. "I meant what I said earlier. You are more important to me than anything. If adopting a child is something we want to consider a little later, fine. If not…that's fine, too." Jim stayed quiet, not responding, but Leonard could feel his body relaxing, and he was content to lie there, holding Jim tightly as he pressed a kiss to Jim's head.

After a couple of minutes, Jim inhaled deeply and stretched up enough to kiss Leonard soundly. He settled back down, feeling a little more secure.

"I kinda always wanted to have a little girl," Jim whispered, as if telling a secret. Leonard smiled to himself, the picture of Jim cradling a pink bundle clear and so very right.

"Me too."


	2. Chapter 2

Jim stood in the doorway of the nursery, watching Bones as he swayed from side to side with his back to him, the top of the baby's head visible on his shoulder. He was humming some tune that sounded vaguely familiar, but Jim couldn't place it. A smile pulled at his lips, the sight of his beloved holding the little girl so carefully, so tenderly, enough to make him tear up. Still – even nearly a week after having welcomed the new addition into their life. Embarrassed by his over-emotional response, he dashed a hand across his eyes and chalked it up to a severe lack of sleep.

Clara was the most beautiful baby he'd ever seen, and Jim was sure she'd be even more beautiful when she learned to sleep through the night.

As the cooing and gurgling sounds died down and her little arms and legs stopped moving, signifying that she was finally dropping into sleep, Bones slowed his repetitive motion and stopped humming. Jim watched as he carefully, expertly leaned over the crib and lowered her to the mattress and pulled the blanket over her. He pushed off from doorjamb and headed down the hall to their own room, slipping into their bed, waiting for Bones to join him.

"She okay?" Jim asked quietly, turning to fit into Bones' arms.

"You already know the answer to that question – you were there," Bones murmured, pressing a kiss to Jim's head. Jim closed his eyes and hummed in agreement.

"Yeah, but I like hearing it from you," he said. Bones sighed against Jim's hair, giving Jim a squeeze.

"She's fine – probably will sleep until at least seven. She's…perfect." Bones gently rubbed soothing circles into Jim's back, unconsciously mirroring the motions he'd gone through with their new daughter just moments ago. And how amazing was that…they had a daughter.

It was the next great adventure in their life, now that they'd settled, and not one they'd decided to take lightly. Two five-year missions, twelve years together as friends, lovers, and partners, and some deep-soul searching that Leonard inadvertently instigated almost six years ago finally culminated in the decision to settle down and make a family. Leonard had made himself okay with the possibility that Jim would always need to be among the stars, and was ready to live that life with him because there was no way he was going to live without him. And this…this was more than he could have ever hoped for.

And this last week they'd spent together, just the three of them, getting to know each other. Clara was a happy, healthy six-month-old human baby girl. She had light brown hair that almost looked red in the right light, and eyes that were the darkest blue, like looking out over the ocean at twilight. She was beautiful. She was perfect. Best of all, she was theirs.

But Jim hadn't held her yet…and while Leonard was fairly certain Jim was as happy as he was, he also looked spooked most of the time. And nothing Leonard had said had made much of a difference. He knew it was going to take some time…Jim's concern over whether or not he had it within him to be a good parent was something they'd talked about often…but Leonard didn't want Jim to miss out on the opportunity to bond with their new daughter in the first few weeks of their lives together. And so…he had a plan.

It was impossible to spend as much time with Jim as he had and not pick up some of his tricks.

 

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"Jim," Leonard said, coming into the family room. "I just got a comm from the hospital…I have to go." Jim looked up from the PADD he was reading, eyes wide.

"What? No…no…you're on paternity leave…for another two weeks! They can't just comm you!" he said. Fiddling with his medkit, Leonard just shrugged and kept his eyes off Jim's. He wasn't that good of a liar.

"It's an emergency…they need someone who can do limbic neuron grafts, and I'm it. There's only a small window to save the patient, so I've gotta run. Don't know what time I'll be back." Leonard headed to the door, forcing himself not to cave to the panicked look on Jim's face as he stood and followed Leonard to the door.

"But…but…Bones…what about Clara?" Leonard looked over his shoulder, as he climbed into their transport.

"She should be up from her nap in about an hour…bottles' are in the fridge – make sure you test that it's not too hot before you give it to her – you know where the diapers are…you'll be fine. I'll give my comm unit to one of the nurses, so call if you run into any trouble and I'll get the message. Love you!" And with that, he slid into the transport and sped away.

Looking in the rearview mirror, his heart clenched a bit at the sight of Jim standing in the doorway, watching him go. He felt a little bad for doing this, but so far every time he'd suggested Jim take the lead, he'd pulled away. At first Leonard didn't know what was going on. But after a while, he'd come to realize what the problem was. When it came right down to it, Jim was afraid.

So, Leonard decided to try the equivalent of "sink or swim". He wasn't concerned, though. Not really. Jim was perfectly capable – even if he didn't believe it yet. Hopefully, after today, he would.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hours later, Leonard let himself into the house. It was dark outside, but it wasn't late… only a little after seven. Stopping in the doorway, Leonard listened…no crying, so that was good. He slipped off his shoes and made his way to the family room. He stopped when caught sight of the couch.

Jim was lying on his back, Clara curled on his chest, her knees tucked under her body, little diapered behind in the air. Jim had his eyes closed, but he was gently stroking her head with one hand, while Clara gripped a finger of the other. The baby seemed to be asleep, and she was in different clothing than when Leonard left that afternoon. The room was only dimly lit, but Leonard could see the content look on Jim's face, and he fell completely in love all over again.

"That was really mean," Jim said quietly, making Leonard jump. He hadn't even opened his eyes. "And…you lied."

"You angry?" Leonard asked, not bothering to confirm or deny. He had no doubt that Jim simply hacked the hospital's systems from their interface. The fact that Leonard had spent the time in a nearby coffee shop, just minutes away and immediately available in case Jim really did need help.

"No," he said, opening his eyes. "We were fine."

"Knew you would be. Just wanted you to know that, too."

Jim rolled his eyes and carefully got to his feet, expertly supporting the baby's head as she slept on. "Let me go put her down."

"You want me to do it?"

"Nah, I got her. When I'm done, though…you owe me," he whispered, leaning close enough to brush his lips across Leonard's in a soft kiss.

"Works for me," he replied. Jim smiled and turned to bring Clara to her room. If she'd just fallen asleep they had a few hours before she would need them. Or…maybe tonight would be the night she slept all the way through.

"Bones?" Jim said, catching his attention.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you…for everything." Leonard smiled, the sight of Jim holding the pink bundle as right as he knew it would be.


End file.
